A Hamburger A Day Keeps The Medico Away

The Age

Thursday June 19, 2008

Lawrence Money, Suzanne Carbone

IT DOESN'T give you much faith in the vitamins'n'fitness lifestyle. Don Lane, who used to pop E, A, D and just about every other letter of the alphabet in the 1970s, is doddering about in some sort of "care facility" at age 74. Now we learn that football iron man Tom Hafey, 76, has turned rusty again. "He spoke at our health club last week," says a local at Hepburn Springs. "About 100 blokes, quite a good turnout. Tommy told a few anecdotes, told us how we should keep fit and when question time came, someone asked him about his own fitness regimen. He said he lives opposite St Kilda marina and gets up every morning at 5.20, does an eight-kilometre run, 250 push-ups, has a swim then goes home to do 500 sit-ups and pump iron.

"Then he sat on a stool and asked for a glass of water. As it was handed to him he got up and collapsed on the stage. Lucky there were doctors there."

And that wasn't the end of it. "Five minutes later he get got up amid cheers and sat on the stool again. He said: 'There you are folks, never say die,' at which point he went down again, this time for the count. An ambulance came. Apparently he was discharged later. The whole thing was quite surreal." We trust Hafey has ambulance cover. Five years ago the same thing happened in Moorabbin: Hafey collapsed while chatting to a business group at the Edmund Barton Centre. After he fainted a second time he was taken to The Alfred but was discharged. Still, he IS the fittest darned outpatient on the list.

Fair go

ONE happy bloke is that Nicholas Corcoris, who walked away clean last week after the taxman muffed its case against him over alleged fiddles. It had been clear from the start that the prosecutors were not going to cut the property man any slack. During preliminary negotiations, Corcoris' legal eagle apparently exclaimed: "That's not fair!"

We hear the earnest eagle from the Commonwealth Department of Public Prosecutions pushed a copy of the Proceeds of Crime Act towards his outraged adversary. "You show me where the word 'fair' appears in the legislation and I might change my mind." Well, maybe it's the vibe.

Hello sailor

GRAYS online auctions have listed "boat wenches" for sale in their marine section. Isn't there a law about that?

On song

THERE was a possible synchronicity about the council car that deputy mayor Gary Singer has been using as a dodgem. Singer drives a Volkswagen Jetta so we were hoping fellow councillor Carl Jetter might be driving an old Singer. Or even a Hyundai Sonata. No such luck.

One versus 100

CAN you have a "best of the century" only eight years in? The promoters of the Jeff Fenech-Azumah Nelson biffo at Vodafone Arena obviously think so. They're billing next week's slugfest as "the rematch of the century". Maybe they mean "rematch of the century so far". Or even "the Fenech rematch of the century so far". Meanwhile, the hyperbolic Max "Show Me The Money" Markson has upgraded it to "the biggest grudge match in Australian boxing history". Rematches and grudge matches don't come cheaply. Ringside tables of 10 cost $10,000.

For certain

BRAVO to the wee Indian retail shopette selling packs of spices in struggling Little Malop Street, Geelong, which drew the blinds and locked the door for several days recently. A small, hand-lettered notice advised, "Closed for certain reasons". All very mysterious.

Hot stuff

SEEMS that Tuesday's false alarm over "fumes" at the Spring Street Asylum (Diary, yesterday) had an encore. "Three fire engines turned up the first time," says our weary informant who sprinted from the great parliamentary fortress. "But the alarm went off again - a smoke alarm this time - about 30 minutes later and we had to vacate a second time. Three fire engines came again but one stayed at a distance." Is that classed as a government smoke-o?

51 weeks left

STILL carrying the scars from the weekend's whipping by the Blueboys (not to mention the axing of his quiz show), despondent Pies prez Eddie McEverywhere was seen checking in with wife Carla and their two party pies at Qantas first-class counter on Tuesday: holiday destination, Los Angeles. For four seats at the pointy end, that's about $72,000, and if you add hotels, car hire and meals there's not much change out of 100 grand. Gee, that's almost an entire week's salary from Nine.

CONTACT

LAWRENCE MONEY 9601 2116 lmoney@theage.com.au

SUZANNE CARBONE 9601 3192 scarbone@theage.com.au

Fax: 9601 2327